Parenting With Love

I read this today and thought it is a good reminder, especially as you add new little spirits to your family, it is easy to let the older ones coast through the day until they do something you don't approve of.
These are blips from the book "Parenting with Love" by Glenn Latham.

"Behavior is Largely a Productof It's Immediate Environment." He goes on to explain, "Simplyput, fix the environment and you will fix the behavior. The first lesson to be learned by parents is the importance of creating anenvironment in the home that will encourage and reinforce appropriate behavior." (Latham p.1)

He later goes on to state: "Of all the consequences that reinforce the behavior of children, I have found nothing to be more powerfulthan parental attention. Over the years, as I have worked with families, I have been interested to note that, on average, morethan 95 percent of all appropriate child behavior never receives any parental attention whatsoever. It is simply ignored, very much in harmony with that unfortunate, generations-old caution to 'leavewell enough alone.' On the other hand, parents are five to six times more likely to pay attention to their children when the children are behaving inappropriately..."

"...which behaviors are being reinforced? The answer is obvious: annoying, inappropriate behaviors. For the most part, ironically,the very behaviors that annoy and concern parents most are the very behaviors parents are encouraging; hence, those are the behaviors that are most likely to reoccur predictably. We have spotted the enemy, and it is us!" (Latham p. 13,14)

Glenn goes on to suggest that "parents have numerous positive interactions with their children per hour, interactions that are delivered intermittently in the form of a touch, a wink, a smile,or a pleasant verbal acknowledgement of what was done that brought parental attention. It is not unreasonable for parents to aim at having twenty or more brief, intermittent positive interactions per hour with their children, particularly young children, four to five years old and below. The result will be high rates of appropriate behavior and few if any inappropriate behaviors." (p.29)

I find this works well with spouses too. ;o) Focus on the positive and express it.

This is just a random picture of S and our crazy kitten. The boys thought it would be great if S held him. I don't know if S thought the same thing.(I'm afraid this is just the beginning of the boys thinking something would be great and S not thinking that it is very great.)


Jen said…
I love Glenn Latham's books. He used to work a bit with my BIL, and so we have all of his books. My favorites are Christlike Parenting and The Power of Positive Parenting. Most of his books have basically the same content, but it's really good stuff!

Cute kitty, and the baby ain't bad either!
Erin said…
I need to get his book. Sounds like great information. I will start practicing with Patrick- I will let you know how that goes!smile! I need to thank him more for all of the amazing things he does for me!
Julie said…
Good advice--thanks for sharing!

I got to be the subject of my older brother's "good ideas" when I was growing up. Usually, I was willing, but ended up regretting it. Don't worry, S will survive. :-)
Valeri said…
Hey Kelly! Melanie Randall gave me your blog address, and I immediately had to laugh because our blogs have the exact same title! :) How fun to see your cute boys (which now make 4 - I didn't even know you'd had another one!). I am so excited to keep up on your life. Lots of people from the ward have blogs - you'll have to check them out (there are links to them on my blog). Anyway, hope you all are well! Take care

Valeri Andersen
azandersens said…
I love all the photos of your crazy (I mean that in the most endearing way) boys. So cute!
Anonymous said…
Hello from AZ Small family. Wow, I like the pictures of the house- you must have made some changes since we slept in the basement. Nice to see your family!!

David Gould

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